(Abobo's Big Adventure, January 2012, I-Mockery/PestoForce/Pox Box)
What better way to spend a lazy afternoon is there than with a labor of love crafted by a team of die hard Nintendo junkies that half the world hasn't played yet and the half that has is still picking up pieces of brain matter off the floor? Without a doubt, the greatest homage ever to grace our computer monitors, this isn't just any game, oh fuck no, THIS is Abobo's Big Adventure.
I would send the cutest kitten ever to grace the planet Earth screaming over the Grand Canyon to have this in my living room.
Abobo's Big Adventure was first developed as far back as 2002 by I-Mockery founder Roger Barr, a true NEShead in every possible sense of the word. Side-projects and other ventures caused production to come to a halt until around 2006 when Barr and friends“Pestoforce” and "Pox" restarted the project from scratch, wishing it to feel like more of an 8-bit game than the previous attempt. The team went through the formidable task of playing through the majority of the NES library and jotting down a mind-staggering amount of characters they felt deserved inclusion in the game from household names like Donkey Kong and Little Mac down to the unsung heroes of the era such as Kid Niki and Clash At Demonhead's Tom Guycott. Debuting the first levels at 2009's San Diego Comi-Con, word of mouth of this insane little game-that-could spread like herpes on steroids. After a few years of lugging a custom-made arcade cabinet around the country to keep the momentum going as well as being friendly, approachable non Phil Fish-like dudes, Abobo's Big Adventure was unleashed upon the world on January 11, 2012 for free download to both PC and Macs. Enough of this chatty shit, let's get to the meaty part of this 8-bit taco shall we?
"You rang?"
Right out of the gate, the title screen clues you in that this is going to be a one-of-a-kind experience starring all our old friends we hold warm places for in our hearts. Hearing the familiar Megaman 2 theme as the screen scrolls up the Statue of Liberty to reveal our hero will cause anyone who lived through the era to wax nostalgic automatically. For the uninitiated, Abobo was the one motherfucker in Double Dragon you did NOT want to run into. There are white, black, and even green varieties of this monstrosity and the only way I could ever figure out how to beat the unholy bastard was by jump kicking him 15 times. Yes, to this day I remember precisely how many boots to his oddball face it took. World 3 of Double Dragon turned many a' boy to man when two of these terrifying stuffed sacks of moustachioed muscle tore through a rock wall and commenced to whoopin' that ass but good.
The precise moment in DD where you realize you're totally fucked.
Upon pressing start, the scenario of the game is presented as only awesome 8-bit storytelling could pull off, a vibrant little cutscene informing us of everything we need to know going in. The offspring of our protagonist, Aboboy has been kidnapped and Abobo is so pissed about it that he annihilates a small kitten before you can even control him. This sets the tone for the copius amounts of blood on top of the dark humor liberally spread throughout this epic journey.
This could be the only mode in the game, and this scene alone would put it near my Games of the Year. I've waited over 20 years to rip this worthless excuse of a fighter to shreds.
Eight levels are present throughout, each a spot-on mock-up of a different retro game filled to the brim with more NES characters than could ever be listed. No matter how obscure and unknown a title, I promise you there is someone from your personal favorite nostalgic little grey cart buried in there somewhere. To mention every single cameo in this game would require a list longer than sports stars that have penetrated Kardashian twat, so suffice it to say, they are here.
If this is surreal enough to make you triple-take it, the ENTIRE game is like this. It's virtually a playable who's who of the 8-bit dynasty.
The graphics perfectly represent the games parodied and even more impressive, the controls are DEAD ON. If you replaced the real Balloon Fighter in his original game with Abobo, it would without question feel exactly the same. It is a testament to the passion the development team had for the source material to have emulated it to this degree. Sound effects are just as incredible and sharp-eared retro fanatics will wear a permanent grin at the little touches they put in ranging from Soda Popinski's laughter to the Excitebiker's revving engines. The part I am having the most difficult to rate is the game's challenge as it all depends on how much you played the originals they were based on. If you are a Punch-Out enthusiast like myself who has easily thrown down hundreds of hours dodging and counter-punching, the final sequence may not prove so taxing, but if you never spent one minute inside Little Mac's shoes back in the day, I can understand why that stage would just destroy a novice with the quickness.
God of War II's Colossus of Rhodes be damned! THIS is the definition of an epic battle! Oh my...the map...
If that wasn't enough to sell anyone reading to download this about ten sentences ago, Abobo's Big Adventure is the funniest game of its kind, bar none. From getting to seperate the Urban Champion's head from his torso Mortal Kombat style, Amazon of Pro Wrestling fame taunting you throughout an entire level in ways that would make Handsome Jack proud, or the greatest ending scene a game has ever sported, the laugh out loud moments are as non-stop and rapid-fire as Team Abobo could've possibly thrown them in. Cutscenes are hellacious romps through 8-bit memories and it wasn't above the creators to toss a little non-NES humor around as well. They completely owned me with the Johnny 5 is alive line and that's just one of a butt-sack of tremendous gags.
Words escape me for how awesome these non-stop moments become. Even if stricken with Alzheimer's to the point of forgetting my own name, I'm sure I'll be able to recall Abobo vs Donkey Kong.
The crowning achievement of this magnum opus is the replayability. Every new playthrough will produce moments that went unnoticed on previous conquerings. I've beaten this more times than NFL players have been to court this year, but never fail to catch new things, For example when playing the real Contra, I avoid the "L" power-up like Perez Hilton avoids pussy, but picked it up accidentally only to find the fucker fired LEMMINGS across the screen. It's those magic moments that make this the cream of the crop and the measuring stick that retro themed titles that followed only wish they could pull off. Medals are even thrown in the mix for the current gen feel of trophies or achievements and getting them all becomes the most exciting war of attrition between you and your PC controller you'll have for a long time.
No pink hoodie bullshit here, Abobo trains like a MAN.
THE FINAL VERDICT
10/10 Don't rub your eyes or rush to come down off of whatever hallucinogen you may have taken this morning with your coffee, that is the fabled perfect score. As a game, Abobo's Big Adventure gets the full monty. As a love-in for The Big N, it surpasses anything you've ever seen before or since. If you've never taken the time to marvel at this jewel of a game, put down the CoD, Halo, and Destiny for a day and prepare to have your brain blown right through your ass. The bar has been set and it would take a modern day miracle for anyone else to come close. Abobo's Big Adventure deserves to go down as one of the greatest games in any decade, any genre, and on any system.
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